Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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