two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize