can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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