What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
