i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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