hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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