she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
