You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
