she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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