I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
