Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
