we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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