I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
