so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
