yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize