All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize