No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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