i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
