I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
