Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
