They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
