I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
