I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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