You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
