He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just had sex on a roof
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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