I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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