the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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