is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
