you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
