there's paper in my vomit.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
