I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
