Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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