i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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