And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
