just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
