I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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