he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
