Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
