I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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