i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
