and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
