Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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