Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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