thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
soo... how was my night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
