I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
