my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
