I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
