Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
