Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
