; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I will die if light touches me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize