What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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