pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
