How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize