she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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