are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
