My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
