'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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