Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
