she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
