Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
