i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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