glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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