I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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