somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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