He uses pillows to masturbate.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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