He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
