Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
