Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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