Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
BRING THE BAGELS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think people are normalizing furries
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
