You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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