Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
