Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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