yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
