If i come over, it means nothing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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