so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
