I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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