well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
