Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
