Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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