I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
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