Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
