i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
