seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize