The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
