Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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