he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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