You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Randomize
