yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
