I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize