i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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