like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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