Are we in a gay sports bar?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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