and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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