Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
smell my finger.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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