Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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