just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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