I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
