Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
