Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
