He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
