I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
